School has started and life is now transitioning from the crazy non structured life of summer to the more organized life of back to school. Well “organized chaos” life of back to school because lets be honest my life will never be actually organized LOL.
This morning after Robert left the house to drop the kids off at school I was sitting on the couch drinking my coffee and scrolling through Facebook. I 
decided to click on the memories tab and as I scrolled through the pictures I realized what a good place I am in right now. Yes, the pictures of my kids made me smile but it also reminded me of so many feelings I had during this time last year.
This time last year I found myself to be extremely emotional about every single thing. I got good at stuffing my feelings way down deep inside and training myself to hold in my tears until I was alone. I tried my hardest to put my happy face on every single day and show my kids that everything would be ok but the truth is I was a mess. I was scared that we had made the wrong decision in moving and uprooting our lives. I was scared that my kids would have a hard time starting over , making new friends and overcome the fears they had developed. I was angry that my not so perfect happy life was destroyed and taken from us. I was sad that I didn’t have my house that my kids grew up in. I was extremely frustrated that our insurance company was making things so much worse. And living in a “temporary” space that had no resemblance of home just made it that much harder. I was simply just heartbroken. I was slowly loosing myself and my identity.
I know I was not the only one suffering. I could see the sadness, the anger, the frustration and the anxiety in my kids. Nobody ever had to say a word because it was just there. Finally though State Farm pushed us to our breaking point. They decided they were done paying for our temporary living space even though our claim was ongoing. We had roughly 2 months to find a house and close or we would be homeless and living in a hotel.
Robert and I searched and searched for a house. I cannot tell you how many houses we walked through. The kids hated the house hunting process and quite frankly I did too. I hated that we were racing against the clock to find that “dream home.” We found ourselves starting to be ok with giving up some of the must haves we wanted in our new house. We finally found a house that we liked and the kids liked and we put offer in. The seller started being unreasonable and Robert decided he had enough and pulled our offer. I became panicked and overly emotionally again.
Robert sat me down and told me to pull myself together. He told me we are not giving up on the things that we want in a house. He told me God always makes it work and the house that is meant for us will come along and we will know when we find it.
He was right. I hate saying that but he was right. Driving back from Austin a house popped up on Zillow. I scrolled through the pictures and I told Rob we had to look at this house today. We called our realtor and she told us this house had just been listed the day before and she was quite shocked that it popped up. We drove straight to the house. Driving down the street and pulling into the driveway I knew this was our house. I didn’t even need to look inside because I just knew. The boys were playing tag in the front yard and the smiles on their faces were genuine. We walked through the house and I could see us living here. I could see my kids playing in the backyard. I could see our friends and family coming over for holidays, life events and all the in between. This was our house. God made it work.
Since we have moved into our new home our quality of life has dramatically improved. We have a place to call home again. I can paint a wall if I want to! I have a kitchen where I can bake until my heart is content. My kids have enjoyed every single inch of our yard and Judah (3 years old) learned to swim in our pool. Good happy memories are being made here.
I am not saying life is perfect now but we are getting there. Our insurance claim is still ongoing and we are still managing a lot and a slab back home so the stress of that is still there but it feels so much lighter on our shoulders. There was so much less anxiety and stress going back to school as well. The boys were excited. They we
re going back to a familiar place with familiar faces and they were going back with FRIENDS.
SO today as I sat on my couch drinking my coffee and thinking about this time last year I felt myself smiling and I realized I have found myself again. I realized I am thankful that we trusted God last year and took that big scary leap of faith. This last year we have learned as a 
family that we are capable of anything. We are stronger than we ever realized and that God really does have a plan for us. We must fight to keep ourselves out of the darkness and continue to follow the light. Even during the darkest times there is still good.
Friends, the Hargrave’s are HOME. The Hargrave’s are back and you better believe it that we are full speed ahead again. Do the scary thing, trust your instincts, fight for yourself, and trust that God has a plan. I am excited for this next chapter and I have a feeling it will be a good one!
