2 years ago at this exact time I had just sent my daughter off to her last real day as a high school student. It was the eve of graduation and we were just so excited we couldn’t stand it. After she left I remember sitting in my living room drinking my coffee and reflecting on just how far our family had come. After loosing my Aunt (the girls’ Mom) just 5 years prior this was a big day. Graudation day was more than just graduating from high school. It was a day of celebration in all of the big things Karis had accomplished and that our family had accomplished. We were celebrating the fact that through great tragedy we all some how managed to survive, to find our happy, and really become a strong family.
I spent my day cooking, cleaning, decorating and remembering my Aunt and wishing that she was here sharing this big moment with us. After spending an entire day cleaning like I had never cleaned before I walked past my couch to find an orange popsicle just laying their melting. I will admit finding that did not make me happy but with 6 kids you are never done cleaning LOL so I had to stop and take a picture because it just seemed funny to
me for some reason. I cleaned up the mess and then took a break for a minute to make a Facebook post. I never would have thought that popsicle post would be one I would never forget or one that stuck with others even to this day.
“This is not art. This is a melting popsicle on my couch that I just took apart and washed. I may not survive this summer…or my furniture may not survive…or my children. I guess only time will tell. Summer has not even begun LOL!”
Back then I was a perfectionist LOL…I still am but in a different way. I prepared for days to host the perfect party. Why? Because I loved it. I loved all of the creativity that comes with a party. I love the crafting, the cooking, the baking, but most of all the people I love most coming to my home to celebrate. My kids did not like the party prep one bit. They had to keep things picked up and they were not allowed to touch the food or sneak a bite. I know I was a mean Mommy LOL.
The house was perfectly cleaned and decorated. Our hearts were full of excitement and it was time for bed because tomorrow was a BIG day. The kids for some reason begged to sleep in our room that night. It was getting late and at that point Robert and I did not care where they slept as long as they just laid down to sleep. Karis was upstairs laying out her clothes for the next day. Her Senior Breakfast dress, graduation dress and her cap and gown. Robert was getting his cycling gear ready to go and I looked at him and giggled and said, “you do know its supposed to rain in the morning?” He said, “tomorrow is a big day, I need my ride. A little rain won’t stop me.” I go to check the radar on my phone and realized we were actually about to get a pretty big thunderstorm right then. There were not any severe warnings on my app or the TV so we decided it was fine to go to bed.
Rob and I laid down in bed and talked about our day. We talked about all of the things we had overcome in the last 5 years to get to this moment. As parents we were proud of ourselves but most importantly our children and our daughter graduating from high school. Right about then we heard a huge clap of thunder. The cat jumped and it was enough to get my blood pumping but not enough to make me worry. Robert kissed me goodnight, told me he loved me and said, “get some rest my dear tomorrow is a big day.”
I laid in my bed for a moment and I began to smell a faint smoke smell. I leaned over to Rob and asked him if he smelled it too. He said, “yes, it smells like one of those candles you burn.” LOL I laughed because I did not have one single candle in that house to burn. After realizing that we got up and checked around the house. Rob in his underwear went into the attic, I checked every closet and nook and cranny in that house. Karis was up and she helped us look. The smoke smell could not be smelled anywhere in the house but our room and when we walked back into our bedroom the smell was gone so we lad back down. A few moments later my eyes began to burn and it felt like I was in a bar filled with smoke. Rob sat up and blew out a big puff of smoke. He finally decided to put some pants on because something was really going on. We looked every where again…even the attic. Robert decided to go outside because maybe it was a neighbors house? Then he looked up at our roof and realized we had a fire. I ran to call 911 and to start getting my kids out. When I ran into our room it was filled with smoke and I could barely see the kids sleeping. Karis began helping me get the kids to the car quickly and the animals just knew to find me. By the time we got the last kid out the entire house was full of smoke and flames were shooting out of the vent into the living room. Knowing the kids were safe I remember standing for a quick second looking at the living room and thinking, “why is this big moment being stolen from us.”
I backed the car down the street so the kids we would away from the house and my phone rang. It was 911 dispatch calling me to make sure we really had a fire. Really? The first call wasn’t enough? Neighbors began to show up from all directions. They had heard something much louder than the clap of thunder we had heard. They knew someone was in trouble. The fire department showed up and got to work. There was not a whole lot that they could do right then because of all of the lightening and they realized there was a gas leak fueling the fire so they began to grab whatever they could from our house. I stood there in the pouring rain laughing. I could not cry if I wanted to. I know weird. The news showed up and the word was getting out quickly.
I called my parents and my father in law. Then I knew I had to call my daughter at OU. That was one of the hardest phone calls I have ever had to make. I had no information, no plan…I had nothing to say but we are safe and it will be ok. Right then I lost my ability to comfort my children. I had nothing to say that could ease their minds or to make the situation easier. I was paralyzed. I always have a solution or some words of comfort or wisdom and I had nothing.
Some good friends and neighbors quickly got work and while the fire was still blazing they had Karis a dress for Senior Breakfast and a cap and gown for her to walk across the stage in. They held us up that night and made sure Graduation Day was still going to happen. Those people saved us when we needing saving. They showed us what humanity, compassion, and friendship really mean. Our community did the same thing. Savastanos hosted a graduation party for Karis. People donated clothes, fed us and raised over $10,000.00 to help get us through. God was working in his people. God knew we needed him and his plan was in motion.
We survived that night but we were broken. People often say “time will heal you”, “at least nobody died”, “its just stuff”…etc. All of that is true. I thank God every single day that everyone made it out of that house. If it had been just a couple more minutes our story may of have been drastically different. It is true those were just things. And it somewhat true that time does heal.
As I sit here right now I can tell you I am a different person. Sometimes I look in the mirror and I have no idea who I am looking at and sometimes I see the person I used to be. These last two years have been the hardest years we have ever had. My Aunt died all over again as her things burned in that house. The little things like ultrasound pictures, hospital outfits, scrapbooks, my wedding dress, jewelry that my mother in law had given me from Tailand and so many other things that were so special were just gone. The couch Joseph covered in sharpie in, the rug that Benja spilled fruit punch on, the outlet Robert broke while riding the ripstick through the house, the marks on the floor from the kids roller blading, the banister that was broken from kids hanging upside down on were all gone. It was like someone just took a giant eraser that night and erased our life and handed us a book of blank pages and said, “now start over.”
We have started writing our new story. It is a story of perseverance, determination, and the every day fight to move on and find our happy again. It is a story of a marriage that struggles at times to find understanding because we are both broken and its hard to help each other because we just don’t know how. Its a story of learning to parent our children who are broken and trying to understand their new life and process all that has happened. It is a story of great love, understanding, compassion and learning to embrace a new adventure, to see the good in all things and to TRUST GOD ALWAYS.
That silly little popsicle picture changed my life. I no longer care (that much) about the messes my kids make. I have learned to let things go. I have learned to cherish the little marks and stains my kids leave behind. A home is a place where you feel safe, make memories, are allowed to mess up and move on, find peace, understanding and unconditional love. We did survive that night, that summer and the last two years…our furniture did not LOL.
We cannot change the past but we do have the ability to accept the change and to make the best out of every situation. As time goes on we do heal but we never forget and sometimes those events are still very real and its ok to take a moment to cry, scream, get mad and then put it all away. These hard times have given us the gift of compassion and story to tell that may some day help someone else. We should never be afraid to share where we have been in life good or bad. There is always a book of blank of pages ready for a fresh new story for us to write.
Thank you to all of those who have stood by us, prayed with us and for us, allowed us to grieve, celebrated our wins, encouraged us and have never stopped loving us. Thank you to those new friends in our new city for your understanding, compassion and for accepting our big crazy family. There is no way the Hargraves could have made it this far without you.
