Thankful Is An Understatement

After my mini meltdown at Halloween this year I was not quite sure how Thanksgiving would turn out.  I did not know if we would make a trip back home, start a new tradition this year or if I would just let everyone down and skip it this year.

My feelings about the holidays have been very schizophrenic. One minute I am trying to skip them all together and the next minute I am running through a store like Nora Krank because I changed my mind at the very last minute.   Thankfully my mother in law decided for me this year and decided I was hosting the entire family at my house for Thanksgiving.

I was completely overwhelmed at first.  We had nothing!  We have been living very minimal for the last few months because we just don’t want to have to pack up and move a whole bunch of stuff in a few months.  BUT everyone was coming so I got to work and made sure my mother in law had an actual bed to sleep on, we had a place to sit and eat and that I had enough pots and pans and dishes to cook with.  It was a little overwhelming but once the items I had purchased started coming in I realized this was the kick in the pants I needed to get myself back in order.

 

I am perfectionist…I actually learned that behavior from my Mom and if you know me or know us both you know that is a very true statement.  Based on our current situation I knew that I needed to accept that my house would not look like a magazine and my serving dishes, and decorations would not be up to my normal standards.  But I was ok with that.  My kids were so excited that everyone was coming to their home. A place where it had just been our immediate family starting over for the last few months familiar faces and the sense of what used to be was coming.

Things were coming together!  I placed my largest Walmart Grocery order ever and I was feeling happy and really at peace.  I decided to go to World Market and look for a turkey platter and maybe just a few items to make my table a little prettier and festive.  While walking through the store I got a phone call from my Mom.  We had a nice conversation and I will be honest it felt good to hear her voice.  Then she told me my Granny was not doing well and that I should prepare myself for the worst.  My heart stopped.  I did everything I could to not cry in that store but ultimately I left my shopping cart and just walked out.  Why is it every single time I find myself in a good place I am slapped in the face?

My Mom kept in contact with me over the next couple of days and my Granny ended up being taken to the hospital by ambulance because she would not wake up.  Heartbroken is understatement on how I was feeling.  I had a bunch of people coming to my house and I was doing my best not to implode.  Later that day, my Mom called me again and told me my Dad was admitted into in the hospital.  Really?  Why?  Why do such tragic, heartbreaking things just keep happening?  I was ready to jump on a plane and head home.  My Mom assured me that things would be fine and that it was ok to stay in Texas and continue with my plans.

I felt horrible.  I was in such a happy place and then all of the sudden I just felt completely broken.  I had no idea what the right thing to do was.  I felt guilty for moving and  for not being there.  I felt like a horrible daughter and granddaughter and horrible wife and mother because I just could not look at anyone without crying.

Thankfully my Mom called again with an update and my Dad and Granny were doing good.  My Dad was actually getting to go home and my Granny was improving.  In the mean time my in laws were arriving.  Though I was still struggling a little internally I believed that everything would be ok and that my Mom’s reassurance and my instincts to stay put and continue with our Thanksgiving plans was the right choice.

My mother in law suffers from severe rheumatoid arthritis and over the last couple of years she has really become bedridden.  For her to want to come all the way to Texas knowing the amount of pain it would cause her was a  huge reason for me to press on and make this a memorable Thanksgiving for all of us.   This past year has not been a good one for any of us.  My husband’s grandmother died less than 24 hours before our house burned down, his business partner died in March, his Aunt Shirley died in October and the list of tragedy in our family could just go on.  We all needed some healing, some happiness and a moment to all be together and celebrate something good and not devastating.

My college girl’s arrived and they helped me with all of the final touches.  My kids painted the leaves they collected in the yard to decorate our table, we prepared appetizers, side dishes, turkey, and so many wonderful things.  I must tell you I made a new dip this year.  Everyone was scared to try it but once they did it was clear I should have made a double recipe.  I had never thought of a cranberry salsa.  I am telling you now you need to add this recipe to your list for Christmas and New Year.  You can get the receipt here.

Thanksgiving Day could not have been anymore perfect. Everyone showed up with a smile and a happy heart.  We cooked together, played outside, swam, partied like true Hargrave’s and we all sat the same table together.  My mother in law was overwhelmingly happy and that made me happy.

 

Out of nowhere they all started singing happy birthday to me.  I started crying because I had not even thought about my birthday this year. These people love me so much that they wanted me to feel loved and special and that I truly did. They gave me gifts that they put thought into and that they knew that I would wear and cherish for a long time to come.

Our family has gone through so much this year.  But through all of the bad we have held each other up.  We have cried together and laughed together.  We have sat on the phone and poured our souls out.  We have grown so much this year and for that I am thankful.  To be thankful is understatement.  We are blessed.  Our God really does care for us.  The storms may be rough and feel unbearable but we do weather them. I continually fight myself but every single day does seem to get better and I do find myself happier as time goes on.  I still have some work to do but I know my family and I will be taken care of. I can honestly say even with my ever changing mental status one thing has remained constant…we are blessed beyond belief and to just be thankful is an understatement.