What Are The Odds?

This time two weeks ago I was prepping my house for my daughter’s graduation party.  I spent the day cleaning, cooking and decorating so that all I would have to do the day of the party was to just sit back and enjoy the moment.

This graduation was more than just a graduation for my daughter and our family.  It was a celebration of just how far we have all come over the past 5 years.  5 years ago on May 17 my Aunt was tragically killed by a motorcycle traveling at a speed greater than 100 mph.  That changed the lives of all us forever.  The paths we were all currently on were no more.

My husband and I decided we were up for adding two beautiful girls to our growing family and help make their lives something they never could have dreamed of. Some friends and family were concerned for Robert and I that we were getting in over our heads.  People were concerned that we would not be able to sustain happiness and meet all of the needs of all of our children and our marriage. We lost some friends but gained many new ones.

Over the last five years we suffered a tragic car fire, we spent many days in Laureate learning to deal with my aunt’s death, we dealt with an eating disorder, suffered a miscarriage, lost a business partner to cancer, almost lost Benjamin to severe anemia, endured never ending sickness but most importantly learned through all of this that we always ended up ok.  Through all of this God guided us and took care of us.

So though it seems the last 5 years were full of tragedy and heart ache it was full of so much love and happiness.  We have a family of 8 people who would do anything for each other.  We have a love and a bond for each other that is unbreakable.

Before bed 2 weeks ago I posted a picture of a Popsicle melting on my perfectly cleaned couch.  Who knew that would be a post that nobody would ever forget.

At 10:22 pm when I posted this picture Robert was in his office setting up his cycling gear for a ride the next morning.  He came into the bedroom 20 minutes later and I asked him why it took him so long to get set up.  He told me that he was just making sure he was prepared.  I laughed and said, “you know its supposed to storm?” He got out his phone to look at the weather and then he started laughing and said,”oh crap!  we are about to get a huge storm any minute I guess I will not be riding in the morning.”

Robert and I are never up this late…never.  The boys were all sleeping in our room and Rob and I finally decided to crawl into bed and watch a little TV.  We never do this.  At about 11:00 we heard a HUGE clap of thunder.  We both jumped and so did the cat sitting on my lap.  My daughter sitting on the couch upstairs sent me a text asking if we heard the loud noise.  A couple of minutes later it smelled like someone had blown out a candle.  I thought that was weird because I do not burn candles.

Robert and I got up and started looking around the house.  We looked in every room…including the attic.  We found nothing.  We decided to go back to watching our show.  A couple of minutes later Robert sits up and looks at me and says,”I feel like I am smoking a cigarette.”  I said,”I know and my eyes are kinda burning.”  I told Rob we really needed to get up and figure out what is going on.  The smell was only in our bedroom.  Robert thought maybe it was something outside filtering into the house.  He went into the back yard in the POURING rain and looked all around.  The neighbors houses were all fine.  He then stood up on our seat wall and looked up at our roof.  There were flames coming from our roof right over our bedroom.

Robert started screaming for me to call 911.  I dialed 911, yelled for Karis and started running towards my bedroom to get the kids.  When I got to my bedroom the entire room had already filled with thick black smoke and to see my kids just laying there sleeping in that was terrifying.  Karis and I picked up the boys and got them to my car as fast as we could.

I ran back in the house to get my animals, my wedding rings, and my purse.  In that short of amount of time the fire spread and became huge.  There were huge extremely HOT flames shooting out of the air vents in the ceiling. It was truly like something you would only see in a movie.

I was worried that I was going to have to search for my animals but miraculously they knew they were in trouble and ran right to me.  While all of this was going on Robert had climbed up the roof with the hose to try and do what he could to put the fire out or keep it contained.  A huge waft of smoke nearly knocked Robert off of the roof so he decided this was way more than the he could handle.

The fire department showed up and started getting their equipment set up.  At this point it looked like they may be able to control the situation and save our house. I ran next door to get my neighbors because I was concerned that the smoke would be filling up their house.  Neighbors from all over the neighborhood knew we were in trouble and started running to help us.  The rain and the lightening was intense.  The fire department was working hard but unfortunately the hydrant directly across from our house was not working properly.  They had to regroup and attempt another one down the street.

The fire just kept getting bigger and it was so hot you could feel it all the way across the street.  I remember my husband and I standing on the corner watching our house burn and all we could was laugh.  We had all of the important people out of the house and at this point there was nothing we could do.  We stood in the pouring rain making jokes and thanking God that we walked out alive.

A good friend that lives in the neighborhood took Karis at 1:00 am to go and find make up and clothes for graduation the next day.  People we did not even know were working to find her a cap and gown.  A day that we had been anticipating for the last 5 years literally just went up in smoke.

The fire department worked until after 4:00 am to put the fire out. My husband and I left that night knowing we had nothing.  We knew that the coming days were going be full of sadness, frustration, anger and confusion. We knew that our little ones would not fully understand the situation and the older ones would definitely understand and would be heartbroken.

The next morning was graduation day for Karis. I am thankful God placed Julie Goodroe in our family 4 years ago.  She took care of my girl and made sure she had everything she needed for her big day.  Robert and I got up and went to the house just the two of us.  You could smell our house the moment you came into the neighborhood.  I still smell that smell every single day. I am not sure I will ever forget that smell.

We walked in the front door and tears just started running down my face.  I was not really sad about loosing our things but sad about loosing the only house my boys had have ever known.  A house that my girls got to start over in. A home that went through all of the struggles right along with us the last 5 years.

At that moment we realized we were most definitely homeless and the path our family had been on is now being drastically rerouted.

We pulled ourselves together and went to the store to get one outfit and a pair of shoes for each of us so that we could attend Karis’ graduation.  During this my sister in law called me because she had heard what had happened.  You could here the sadness in her voice and we both just started to cry. She put together a care basket for me of things she knew that would be comforting.  Her and Julie Goodroe had also started organizing donations of money, clothes, food, toys and the list goes on.

I have never been one to ask for help.  I didn’t have to ask for anything because the people around us who love us just started taking care of us.

We made it to graduation and I am pretty sure I cried the entire time.  I was so proud of Karis for making the best of the situation and smiling while crossing that stage.  Life was continuing on.

The next day my sister in law got a call from Savastanos Pizza.  The owner wanted to provide a location, food and drinks for Karis’ graduation party. Karis’ party turned out to be a beautiful and everyone we loved came to congratulate her.

It has now been two weeks since our house was struck by lightening and burned to the ground.  The kids are now terrified of storms, they have nightmares, have anxiety about Robert and I being away from them and life is just kinda hard right now.

Over the last two weeks our family, friends and community have loved us, supported us, cried with us, prayed for us and with us and has helped us rise from the ashes.  Opportunities for our family that once seemed impossible are now extremely possible.  God is opening doors for all of us and we can all see the good that will come from the situation.

I still cry almost every single day.  I cry over little things that seem quiet silly really.  I felt myself shutting down to some degree but looking at my kids and be forced to deal with their emotions has actually helped me keep going.

My oldest daughter was dreading to leave and start her internship in Midland, Tx.  She made it to her apartment Saturday night.  She has a fantastic roommate and despite her apprehension she is loving her experience so far.  I spoke with her on the phone after her first real day of work and hearing the happiness and excitement in her voice gave me a sense of peace.  She is the oldest and that is hard sometimes I know.  But she is stepping up and taking care of her self and helping me take care of things here when she can.  She is a true blessing.

Robert and I have decided to take the kids on epic summer adventure.  We are not quite sure of all of the details yet but those will be coming together in the next couple of weeks.  The way we see it is we have two options.  We can sit around crying about the situation and have the worst summer ever or we can turn this into an opportunity to have the best summer ever and start some new adventures as family along the way.  We have chosen the best summer ever option.  Yes of course there will still be sad days and days that we wish we could return to old life.  Neither option will be easy but our kids will learn to accept change and make the best out of even the worst.

Our kids have already learned so much from all of this.  They never really understood the concept of donating money, toys, clothes, food etc.  They knew they were giving away their stuff but they had no real idea where it was going.  They now fully understand the concept and I know they are going to much better human beings for having to go through this.

Even as adults we don’t really understand the need for giving, lending a hand, being a shoulder to cry on or even just speaking positively.  Our community has proven not to just our family but really to everyone that there is so much good in the world.  If we could all live our lives everyday with a giving heart, a little understanding, humility, positivity and with love just imagine how our world could be.

Thank you to Bixby Fire for helping us on the worst night of our life. Thank you to the residents of Twin Creeks for loving us as neighbors and helping us in a great time of need.  Thank you to everyone single person who has donated clothes, toys, money, make up, gift cards, their services and a helping hand.  Thank you to Savastano’s Pizza for stepping in and providing the perfect graduation for our girl…the day was so perfect it was actually better than what I had planned. Thank you Aliya Hargrave and Sutinya Butcher for loving us and helping us pick ourselves up and reminding us to be the Hargrave’s that we know we are.  Hargrave’s RULE…LOL.   Thank you Julie Goodroe for loving my kids as your own, checking in on me, providing encouragement and reminding me that I am strong enough to make it through this storm.  Thank you Josh and Kristen Robinson for being not just our neighbors but our good friends.  You have become so important in not only Rob and I’s life but to our kid’s as well.    Thank you to Rob and I’s parents for the unconditional love and support and for being our “Mommy’s and Daddy’s” because no matter the age sometimes we just need you.

I am sure that I have forgotten to thank someone but please know that we are grateful for all of the help that has been given to us.  It is very humbling. Please know that when our family reaches our new “normal” we will be returning the love to those in need.

Funny how that Popsicle on my nicely clean couch seems so petty and irrelevant now.  I don’t have a house to clean right now so I am taking advantage of playing with my kids and doing whatever it is they want to do.  Chores, parties, the to do lists are not so important anymore.  I have experienced one to many “one in a million” incidents in my life time.  Family is all that is important.  The memories that you make together are all you need to make a “home.”

Robert Hargrave I love you more every single day.  I love that you are crazy as hell.  I love that you climbed on the roof to try and save everything.  I love that you can laugh during the worst of times. I love that your video equipment is never far and your You Tube channel is taking off and you got your debut on the Channel 6 with Tess Maune herself LOL.  You are my soulmate and this storm though it may be a rough one right now we will certainly weather it together and find that beautiful rainbow.

And I have just one question for all of you?  If you could run back into your burning house after everyone is out safe what is the one item you would save?

 

 

 

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